This podcast looks at an accidental anchoring and the result it achieved.

One of my best accounts of having used NLP “live” (as in the person I was using it on didn’t know I was doing it) was when I was out with a friend of mine who had recently separated from her boyfriend. We knew that on this particular evening out there was the possibility of bumping into the ex boyfriend so she was in a bit of a “wound up” state.

As we sat with our bottle of wine in the pub, a song came on in the background. As my friend began to tune into it, aware of the familiarity of it, she started to cry. Through the blubs and wails she explained that this had been “their” song (her and the ex boyfriends) and that she still loved him so much.

It’s a good job I’m a therapist and not a counsellor because sympathy just isn’t my thing. I reached over and touched her shoulder and said “Err, there, there. It’s all going to be fine, I’m sure he was an idiot anyway.”

This was closely followed by a snot-filled-rage in which she exclaimed how she couldn’t believe how he had treated her “how could he do this?!” etc and how much she hated him. When this stage kicked in, I quickly withdrew my comforting hand.

Those of you who know NLP will have identified that I’d accidentally “Anchored” her melancholy state to her shoulder. You might think this was a bad thing. The truth is it would have been if I’d not utilised it later on. Really I should skip the part where I tell you that this all happened by accident and make out that this entire event happened completely on purpose as a result of my marvellous skill set. But that wouldn’t be totally true!

So later on we went to a night club and guess who showed up?! At this moment in time there were several reactions she could have gone for. I thought she might go for blubbering wreck but to my surprise (and his) she launched straight into snot-filled-rage.

As she catapulted herself towards him, I spotted an expression in his face. In NLP we like to be very clear about the difference between a sensory observation and a hallucination (when you think you know what you have seen.)

The sensory based observation of the ex boyfriend was this:

His eyes widened
His jaw lowered
His skin tone became more pale
His forehead began to sweat
He became short of breath

The hallucination of what I saw I will call “Man-having-fear-of-ex-girlfiend.”

At this moment, I grabbed her shoulder (yes the same one as earlier) and said something like “I know that this isn’t the real feeling you are feeling towards him. Isn’t it.”

The snot filled rage fizzled and vanished and the melancholiness of earlier returned, though without the crying.

They had a conversation about staying friends and it was all ok.

When she popped to the loo a little later he came over and spoke to me. He said “I’ve no idea what you did to her, but you did something. She was ready to kill me and you defused her somehow, how did you do that?”

At that point I realised what I had done, and I realized I could really help others using NLP.

By Gemma Bailey

www.gemmabailey.co.uk

Fear of public speaking is actually an irrational fear. It combines many other factors such as fear of open spaces or of mob, fear of losing, fear of criticism, fear of confined spaces and fear of social assessment. In order to understand how NLP can be effectively used to overcome fear of public speaking, we need to understand some of the basic elements of communication.

Professor Albert Mehrabian concluded that human beings communicate through three primary mediums. Each of these mediums is actually channel through which messages are communicated to an audience. Different channels have a relatively stable level of impact on the audience. Each message is perceived in a different way by the listeners.

The three channels are:

1) The actual words we use,

2) The voice modulation we use in saying those words, and

3) The body language while speaking the words.

But the fact is that, the words we use have the least impact in terms of audiences’ perception. This is quite interesting and apparently a little contradictory to common sense. Now to make it simpler to understand, let us rank the full communication process into 3 distinct grades. First the words you use constitute 7%, while voice qualities such as rate of speech, pitch etc. constitute 38%. Now what remains is your body language, your facial expression, your gestures, posture form the major chunk of 55%! So the crux of the story is “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”!

So whatever you want to communicate to your audience must be a perfect blend of content, your voice modulation and your body language. When these three combine the audience will automatically be glued to your speech with full attention and enthusiasm. You just have to be confident, speak with power and certainty. This is exactly the platform where NLP can help you immensely to overcome the fear.

There are certain tools used in NLP to overcome this fear of public speaking. The most consistent one is to build on successful (‘references’).This can be done by bolstering the concept of an “Anchor”. ‘Anchors’ are unique parts of an experience that tend to generate  the totality of an original experience.

Anchors will help by putting you in a very powerful, relaxed and confident state of mind and then physically portraying that you are in the same state that is before an audience. This is repeated many times in the form of a gesture or some unique sound.

At this point, another NLP technique called ‘reframing’ may be further used to enhance the individual’s beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about speaking publicly. Now the individual is transformed from a state of deathly fear to a positive enthusiasm of speaking before a large audience. Thus NLP’s charisma lies in transforming a person’s deepest fears into one of his greatest strengths!

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

It’s the same too with rapport. Those who connect wouldn’t necessarily take the time to analyse that connection because they are too busy feeling good in the other persons company. Those who are sitting around wondering what to say and why it is that they do not feel good when around a particular person will be thinking about rapport.

Further on in relationships, other complications emerge. You begin to learn more about the real person and the sales persona is gone. Sales persona? Yes this is what happens when you first meet someone you like. To begin you are trying to sell them the idea of being with you. You laugh politely at their jokes, tell them they look nice and refrain from farting in bed. A few months down the line and the sales persona is gone. The real slightly sarcastic and moody bed- farting- you springs into action and your new partner is wondering where is all went wrong. The honeymoon period is over!

Now let’s add some NLP into the equation. Let’s imagine that in this relationship you have extracted your values for relationships, found any negative away from values and discovered the significant emotional event that caused those negative away from values. You used an NLP technique like Parts, or Change Personal History to blast the away-froms and had new values for relationships where you didn’t worry about safety and trusting because they were there as a standard part of the package and you expect them to continue.

Let assume also that you know how to get the best possible connection with someone because you understood their main sensory system and adjusted your behavior to suit it. Furthermore, let also throw in a bit of training on the Satir catagories so that if there is ever any unwanted friction, you know how to level things out again.

And finally, how about if you also held yourself to a higher standard- that same high standard that we identified before, where you made the effort to laugh at the cheesy jokes, say “you look nice” as if you mean it and at least say “pardon me” after farting in bed.

Alternatively, you could not learn these things. You could continue the cycle of things being ok, then things not being as nice as they were before- which may be in a current relationship or a process you experience in many different relationships. We humans are born to be together, but we do also need to be happy in our togetherness. Learning NLP will show you just how possible that is- and the worst case scenario is that you become much more tolerant of other people (so the farting in bed doesn’t bother you so much anymore!)

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

Many of you have also at some stage contacted me to ask if you can be licensed to teach NLP4Kids in your town/city etc which I feel is a really exciting opportunity so I attended the franchise exhibition and made contact with a franchise lawyer who is going to help get the license off the ground. I’m hoping this is something that will be completed early in 2010 and thank all those of you who have expressed an interest in joining the team and who have been so patiently waiting for this to happen.

Last week Kay and I had a conversation about how things are working so far with NLP4Kids, and as a result Kay has decided to step down from working on NLP4Kids in the future. She is still very much using the techniques in her one to one practice and will I’m sure do the occasional workshop when duty calls.

I must also acknowledge her input into NLP4Kids so far. She is also one of my best friends who I have a great deal of time and respect for.

Going forward, I will be fully responsible for what happens next (eek!) and will be your main point of contact with regards to anything to do with NLP4Kids- from workshops to joining the licensing team.

By Gemm Bailey

www.NLP4Kids.org

Anchoring is a valuable tool used by hypnotherapists and NLP Practitioners. It is one of the simplest techniques available and can create massive and powerful changes of state in another person in an instant.

Just imagine having access to your most resourceful state- confidence, creativity, motivation, relaxation, power- at the touch of a button.

1. Why use Anchoring?
Anchoring is an NLP technique used to move a client very quickly, into a positive resourceful state (emotion). This could be used to get someone into a confident state when giving a presentation or perhaps a relaxed state when confronting a fear or phobia or to give instant motivation when faced with a challenge.

2. What is an Anchor?
An Anchor is an internal state which is triggered by an external stimulus. For example, have you even caught a whiff of someone’s perfume and been reminded of someone that you know, and had an experience of feeling all of the feelings that you have towards that person? Or perhaps you’ve heard a song that has, literally, in your mind, taken you back momentarily to a time in the past or a specific event?
The Anchors we create when using NLP and hypnotherapy and Kinaesthetic anchors (the positive internal feeling is triggered by a touch).

3. How do you create a Positive Resource Anchor?
Recall a time in the past when you have felt the way you want to feel when your Anchor is fired. As you vividly remember that time, remembering everything you saw as if you were seeing it again, back through your own eyes, hear what you heard and feel the feeling you had at that time.

When the feeling is at its strongest, “anchor” it by making a gesture, or gently pressing or squeezing an appropriate and accessible part of your body, e.g. making a fist, pushing the palm of your hand etc.

Break your state by jiggling your body or moving in some way then repeat the above using a different and equally positive memory from the past, then anchor that. Repeat this several times to make the anchor strong.

Then test how strong your anchor is by breaking your state and then firing it off. Notice how great you feel!

4. What if…..? Your questions answered!
If your anchor is weak, try anchoring more vividly remembered times. Make sure you really put yourself into the state and remember to apply the anchor at the peak of the good feeling.

Apply you anchor in a unique place/ way. You wouldn’t want to have an anchor for elated joy by shaking your hand as this might not be an appropriate state to go into each time someone shakes your hand! Your anchor must also be located somewhere upon you that is easy for you to repeat and fire off later, without making you look suspicious in front of others!

What if I work in a business setting, how could this be used?

Anchors don’t have to be created and triggered by a touch. You could use your voice in a certain way every time you want to get others into a motivated state or perhaps Anchor key words, such as trust, to yourself, when selling your product in a presentation. So verbally you are saying to your customers that they can trust the product you are selling, but you anchor the word “trust” to yourself.

There are many other techniques involved when creating major lasting changes in people’s lives. For more information about what these are and how they can be used to tackle specific problems, visit the link below and get in touch.

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

The challenge with NLP in my opinion, is not finding somewhere to learn it, or someone to teach it, but, actually being good at it. For me, there are two factors that can influence the ability of each individual practitioner.

• Charisma
  Even the most intense, most specialised NLP training course has yet to find a way of teaching this natural elegance to it’s delegates. I’m talking about the elegance that would just ease out of someone like Milton Erickson in an artfully conversational way creating major changes to the listeners’ unconscious mind. Is this a skill that can be learned? If so, how is it taught? Are there people that can never really learn this and are these people practising NLP? Yes of course they are. They are the people who attend the courses to become therapists, yet what they really need is to see a therapist. I’ll never forget, when we first set up People Building and were emailing therapists from all areas to let them know we were on the map. One lady emailed back saying that she was already an NLP Practitioner and had been personally trained by Dr. Richard Bandler and therefore didn’t need to be aware of our services. I had to bind my hands together to prevent the temptation of emailing back “That doesn’t mean you’re any good though, does it?”
• The Law of Requisite Variety (the person with the most flexibility of behaviour has the greatest influence over others.)
  I remember once when I attended an EFT seminar and met a very interesting bunch of therapists called Guided Self Healers. I don’t know anything about Guided Self Healing, so far be it from me to pass judgement on what they do, but I can tell you that they all seemed to be a bunch of nutters. I sat with them whilst they chatted enthusiastically about what number I was. They were sure I was a 9. I don’t know what being a 9 means, but I also know I am a Pisces (which this week means I’m going to meet a stranger, according to my horoscopes- how difficult can that be?!) I’m also a Goat (Chinese astrology) right handed, visual (mainly) and blonde (naturally dumb).

The thing with NLP is it’s great when you use it with a degree of fluidity. Yes, strategies can work, but a complex strategy may be run unconsciously. If you want to elicit an unconscious strategy from someone, they will become conscious about what they are doing, what happens to the strategy then? Yes, anchors can work, but if the client thinks it’s all a load of poppycock, are they going to experience the state when he anchor is tested? Yes, I’m mainly visual, but probably not when I have my singing lessons. It’s great that this stuff works, but being a true NLPer is about accepting that sometimes you get a different result to the one you were expecting, and to expect that anything else could happen instead. Lets stop putting people in boxes and expecting the norm and instead accept that actually anyone can be whatever they choose to do or be. Only then, can we practice as therapists who truly access all of our own internal resources in order to facilitate changes within the clients that we are working with.

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.uk

Reflected appraisal comes from Mead and Cooleys’ idea that if other respect us and look up to us in some way, we are likely to have a higher self esteem than if they are degrading us.

Social comparison is the process by which we compare ourselves to others in either a positive, neutral or negative way. Poor children (as a generalisation) will often do less well at school than their wealthier classmates as the comparison of life styles may develop a negative self esteem, making it less likely that the poorer child will perform well in school and the low level of achievement will then further damage the self esteem (see below).

Self attribution is when there is a failure to observe the internal psychological processes and to instead, form an opinion of the self based on external behaviours or reactions. Bem gives us the example that a man who eats an enormous dinner could conclude “I guess I was hungrier than I thought” making a conclusion about his external experience in seeing the empty plate instead of getting in touch with his internal feelings whilst eating or after finishing the food to establish if he was full up earlier, or is now feeling over filled. Therefore a child who’s teacher tell them “You’re not very good at concentrating.” Could conclude that this outside information is the truth about their ability to concentrate and develop a low self esteem, instead of challenging the statement internally (“When am I good at concentrating? What do I concentrate really well at? Am I concentrating now?) and using his own internal conclusions to improve the self esteem and the level of concentration.

By far the most reliable means of improving one’s own self esteem is to find it from within, as relying on an outside source to verify your identity can be at times unreliable. If your self esteem comes from knowing that you are a good daughter to your parents, what will happen to that self esteem when those parents pass away? Or if your self esteem is verified by knowing that you are good at your job, do you then lose your self esteem if you lose your job?

If we must compare ourselves to others, then surely looking at what others have and we do not, is best serving us if that helps us to establish new goals for the future to helps us achieve that which others have. Comparing ourselves to those who have less than us should encourage us to feel thankful and to develop a more grateful attitude for what we have already.

The idea of challenging the labels we are given (or give to ourselves) is not a new one. All NLP techniques are really based around the idea of reframing a problem (that is “seeing it in a different and more resourceful way). Psychologist, Dr Clare Graves said “It’s not that you get rid of problems. You evolve into a person who the problem doesn’t matter to.” This implies that overcoming a problem is simply a case of changing the way in which you think about that problem, or seeing yourself in a more resourceful way. Using the techniques of NLP this change in thinking can be created at the unconscious automatic level. When a person believes that they can be and do more, they tend to feel better about themselves and therefore have a better experience in life. They achieve greater results which propels their self esteem to an even greater level.

By Gemma Bailey

www.gemmabailey.co.uk

If you wanted to model someone, you could try and do so by doing what you think they would do. Or you could find out what they would actually do by using their Meta programs. Their meta programmes will not tell you what they are thinking but how they are thinking.

In the encyclopaedia of NLP, Robert Diltz and Judith DeLozier explain meta programs with reference to two different people who have the same decision making strategy, who conclude different results when presented with the same information. The difference is because they are using different meta programs which influence their decision making strategy.

In NLP meta programmes can be used to identify personality traits such as levels of motivation in a specific area of life.

Motivation traits within Meta Programmes:

1. Toward – Away From:

Toward: the goal oriented people fall into type. They will tend to look for what is positive. You can influence them by using the words like, accomplish, rewards, goals etc.

Away from: These people are focusing on what it is they want to avoid so you will recognize them by the words, avoid, eliminate, get rid of, prohibit etc.

2. Internal – External:

Internal: these persons are self-reliant, when it comes to assessment of a situation. They know within themselves what is right for them and do not feel the need for external verification.

External: they are in constant need of outside feedback for assessment. So if this applies when in a work/career situation, the they make good customer service representatives!

3. Sameness – Difference:

Sameness: These people tend to have little changes in their situation. If you compare what is going on for them now, to what was going on for them 12 months ago, they will usually highlight many similarities.

Differences: These people are the supporter of changes and can not stay in a static environment. They may use words such as new, fresh, totally different, completely changed, radical idea.

4. Specific – Global:

Specific: These people prefer to work with the minute details. If this applies in a work environment then they make good bookkeepers and assembly line workers. Motivate them by exactly, in particular, specifically.

Global: These people work better if are provided with an overview of a situation and get bored if given the finer details.

Meta programmes allow you to have a better understanding of the “map” each person has of the “territory.” So those with similar meta programmes will use similar language and develop rapport with each other quickly. When you know how others use their meta programmes youcan use that informtaion to gaina good connection with them and motivate to do more whilst feeling enthusiastic about the task in hand.

By Gemma Bailey
www.gemmabailey.co.uk

1. NLP communication model: This model is important as it explains how peoples use of language patterns affect their thinking (and vice versa). Depending on the nature of your self-communication pattern, you could undermine the efforts you make to eat healthy and be slim. The NLP communication model helps clients to understand the language of healthy eating and also helps to develop positive thinking habits. The ways you think have an undeniable effect on your feelings and your feelings have an impact on your behaviour.

2. NLP Presuppositions: One of the key presuppositions of NLP is that all behavior has a positive intention. But this doesn’t necessarily mean positive results. This NLP communication model helps people to understand the basic fault in the eating behavior and can release the guilt felt after over indulging if it is better understood what the behavior ways trying to achieve in a positive way.

3. NLP Major Frames: A Major NLP frame is that of cause and effect as this guides people into taking responsibility for themselves, their behavior and results. During NLP therapy sessions you will be encouraged to think yourself as the cause of what you create rather than at the effect of what life gives you. This means, things happen in your life because OF you and not TO you. When you become the cause, you give yourself the opportunity to be proud for the things you have achieved. This model makes you feel that you are a responsible person. When you become responsible, you feel as if you have a greater control over the situation.

4. NLP Formal change Techniques: The application of techniques depends on individual problems. Some are discussed below:

The Swish Technique can be used if you wish to replace highly contextualized problem behavior with a more positive behaviour.

Parts Integration is very useful at uncovering the positive intention of your awkward eating habits and dealing with incongruent behaviour and feelings

Like to Dislike – This technique is based on information about how we code memories in our brain and can be used to create a dislike to a problem food.

Hypnosis with positive suggestion – Many NLP therapists will have studied hypnotic techniques based on the Ericksonian model, during NLP training and will utilize these techniques during therapy sessions. Hypnosis can be used to great unconscious changes whilst feeling deeply relaxed.

5. Getting leverage: NLP therapists are skilled at getting leverage- applying pain to the problem and pleasure to the solution.

6. Setting well formed goals: In order to get what you want, you need to know where you are now, and where it is you want to go, in just the same way that you would set out on any journey.

7. Developing positive coping strategies: NLP communication model helps to develop positive coping strategies and to change strategies that are ineffective or detrimental to the clients progress.

By Gemma Bailey
www.gemmabailey.co.uk