We’ve had more and more interest in NLp4Kids from practitioners who are overseas and cannot get to the UK to train.

As such I have two very exciting offers to tell you about.

The first one is NOT READY YET and I will be in touch just as soon as we have all of the steps in place but for now I need to know the following….Where are you?!

I’m looking to run 3 NLP4Kids overseas events later this year.

If you are located in one of the following countries and have a genuine interest in signing up to join the NLP4kids team, please click the relevant link below.

In a few weeks we will be in touch with further information about the next steps we will be taking.

I am in America

I am in Australia

I am in New Zealand

Rubbish.

I have consistently focused on a new car (whilst still cherishing the old one for continuing to start each day) for the last 4 years and I still haven’t got one. How long specifically does it take for a thought to manifest itself into a thing?

And what then of all of the so called negative thoughts I have on a day to day basis? If I think “I should put my seat belt on incase I crash” am I manifesting a crash for the future which I then need to take responsibility for, because I thought it and brought it into my awareness?

I remember once teaching a room full of NLP Practitioners & Master Practitioners and giving them ‘Rules For The Room’, which was a list of “whilst in the room do not do this…” Two People on the course objected to the “don’t do this…” list because they felt it wasn’t very NLP to focus on what we didn’t want.

The truth is though there are plenty of times when knowing what you do not want is as important (if not more so) than what you do want.

I do not want to ever experience a plane crash, but I am glad someone has dedicated their lifes work into formulating the plans of what steps to take should one occur. Did that person die in a plane crash as a result of thinking about them so much? What about hair dressers who mix hair colours in a particular way because they want to avoid giving the customer green or orange hair. Does it happen because they are thinking about it?

Do the people who fit abs breaks continuously drive into lamp posts when they’re on the road?

Knowing what you need to avoid can be both useful and important. More than that it is sometimes the driver for diverting you towards what you do want instead. Sometimes people forget the final step of being diverted to what they want and this is obviously a problem. But if there is a clear balance between what you don’t want and what you do, then this should keep the affirmations positive but importantly realistic too.

What does an NLPer say when their child is about to run out in front of a bus?

“That’s a lovely walking style to make it even better when crossing the road, wait until the bus is passed but overall it is lovely to see you being so independant”

Whereas most others say “Stop!” “Don’t cross when there is a bus coming or you will get run over!” The NLPers will all be worrying about the unconscious not processing the negatives in the sentence but there are times when we must focus on what to avoid. Back it up with details about what you want and feed back positively when you see it. Don’t rule out the away froms. Being negative isn’t always negative (especially if it is backed up with a positive).

“Then all hell broke loose,” said 43-year-old Rosenthal of Palm Beach Gardens in a telephone interview. Her body had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics. “The easiest way to describe it is I became like a burn patient over my entire body. I was covered with blisters up to eight inches long and they joined with the blisters next to them.” What she had was toxic epidermal necrolysis, a rare, extremely painful, life-threatening skin condition involving the complete separation of the top and lower layers of her skin.

While in the hospital, she had an out-of-body experience and was convinced she would die. Because her condition was so rare, doctors seemed clueless how to help, she said. After physically recovering, she started experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms, including hypervigilance, insomnia, nightmares and avoidance.

“For example, I refused to discuss with anyone what had happened,” she said. “I also had an enormous fear of seeing the doctor. If anything happened with my body, I’d go into extreme panic, sometimes over the simplest things. I felt terror that something was wrong with my body that couldn’t be fixed.”

Because her body terrified her, she tried mentally taking control over it. That effort led to her having a dangerous eating disorder, anorexia nervosa. A National Institute of Mental Health website defines anorexia nervosa, in part, as a “relentless pursuit of thinness,” an unwillingness to maintain a healthy weight, a distortion of body image, and an intense fear of gaining weight. By age 35, due to anorexia nervosa, she had developed advanced osteoporosis.

Then in 2005, a breakthrough: a counselor diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from her toxic epidermal necrolysis experience. Immediately, she cut back work hours to accelerate therapy. She went through cognitive behavioral therapy, information processing therapies, hypnosis and neurolinguistic programming.

After finishing her recovery three years later, she began blogging about PTSD, started a PTSD-related website and radio show, and became a certified professional coach, hypnotist and neurolinguistic programmer. All along, she said, she never once worked with a counselor on resolving anorexia nervosa; it ended on its own after she beat PTSD.

She advises people with PTSD to find a trauma-trained professional who believes getting over the disorder is possible.

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When you have decided something, it brings with it commitment and comfort. These are strong emotions that have a sense of security and stability. They meet the need for certainty, which allows you to relax and be completely at ease.

Knowing carries similar weight. When you know something there is certainty in the knowledge you have. You can be more solid and more sure than when you do not know.

Deciding and knowing give a sense of completion. The questions and conundrums are solved. The boxes are ticked. The thing you were considering you need not give anymore of your attention to, because it is resolved and sorted.

Prior to knowing and deciding is choosing. This occurs when you have finalised some viable options. You know that there is a suitable direction but you need to choose which one. Choosing is great because in “choice” you know there are several direction you can take but it doesn’t have the comfort of knowing or having decided.

In NLP we talk a lot about the benefits of confusion. How that state is simply your own minds way of searching for the solution. Confusion is good because it means you are trying to find the right way forward and that you are open to the possibilities that there are available.

So we know that the final chapter is deciding or knowing, before that is choice and before that is confusion, which is the search for solutions. Before those however, is another state of mind. It is one far more powerful in my opinion than any of the other previously mentioned.

It is the state of mind called not knowing. Not knowing what to do has enormous power. Most people see not knowing as a weakness and are keen to get themselves out of this state as quickly as possible. I’m going to suggest that we all spend a bit more time basking in not knowing. Here’s why:

When you don’t know, there are many ways in which you can know. When you haven’t decided, there are many options of decisions you can make. They say knowledge is power, but when you know, you are much less likely to ever look for or consider the other ways in which you could have known. Not knowing is power!

When you haven’t decided, you can have a million different options available to you, but without yet being aware of what they are.

Take this analogy. Lets say that you want to get from Hertfordshire to North Wales. This is a journey you have never taken before and you do not know the way. At this moment in time you do not know how to get there and you have not decided how to get there.

You could then move into a state of confusion where you are looking at a map, trying to establish the general direction from Hertfordshire to North Wales.

Out of the confusion comes a choice between motorway or A-roads to get there. It’s one or the other so you weight up the choices and out of those you then know the best option and you make your decision. Motorway it is.

But if we go back in time to the powerful state of not know and not deciding, we’ll find that there were so many other options that were not available later once confusion had set in.

When you didn’t know and you hadn’t decided here are just some of the other options that were available to you:

Helicopter
Air balloon
Pogo stick
Bike
Rollerblades
Rocket

The next time you don’t know or can’t decide, embrace the uncertainty, which is also an essential human need. Enjoy the awareness of the options and choices available to you, even though you don’t know yet, what they may be.

Then get yourself out of not knowing not by trying to know but simply by asking yourself “What would happen if I did know/decide?” In knowing what you would get as the outcome of your decision or knowledge, you may find yourself making a better quality choice than if you allowed a natural state of confusion and decision to take hold.

This podcast looks at an accidental anchoring and the result it achieved.

One of my best accounts of having used NLP “live” (as in the person I was using it on didn’t know I was doing it) was when I was out with a friend of mine who had recently separated from her boyfriend. We knew that on this particular evening out there was the possibility of bumping into the ex boyfriend so she was in a bit of a “wound up” state.

As we sat with our bottle of wine in the pub, a song came on in the background. As my friend began to tune into it, aware of the familiarity of it, she started to cry. Through the blubs and wails she explained that this had been “their” song (her and the ex boyfriends) and that she still loved him so much.

It’s a good job I’m a therapist and not a counsellor because sympathy just isn’t my thing. I reached over and touched her shoulder and said “Err, there, there. It’s all going to be fine, I’m sure he was an idiot anyway.”

This was closely followed by a snot-filled-rage in which she exclaimed how she couldn’t believe how he had treated her “how could he do this?!” etc and how much she hated him. When this stage kicked in, I quickly withdrew my comforting hand.

Those of you who know NLP will have identified that I’d accidentally “Anchored” her melancholy state to her shoulder. You might think this was a bad thing. The truth is it would have been if I’d not utilised it later on. Really I should skip the part where I tell you that this all happened by accident and make out that this entire event happened completely on purpose as a result of my marvellous skill set. But that wouldn’t be totally true!

So later on we went to a night club and guess who showed up?! At this moment in time there were several reactions she could have gone for. I thought she might go for blubbering wreck but to my surprise (and his) she launched straight into snot-filled-rage.

As she catapulted herself towards him, I spotted an expression in his face. In NLP we like to be very clear about the difference between a sensory observation and a hallucination (when you think you know what you have seen.)

The sensory based observation of the ex boyfriend was this:

His eyes widened
His jaw lowered
His skin tone became more pale
His forehead began to sweat
He became short of breath

The hallucination of what I saw I will call “Man-having-fear-of-ex-girlfiend.”

At this moment, I grabbed her shoulder (yes the same one as earlier) and said something like “I know that this isn’t the real feeling you are feeling towards him. Isn’t it.”

The snot filled rage fizzled and vanished and the melancholiness of earlier returned, though without the crying.

They had a conversation about staying friends and it was all ok.

When she popped to the loo a little later he came over and spoke to me. He said “I’ve no idea what you did to her, but you did something. She was ready to kill me and you defused her somehow, how did you do that?”

At that point I realised what I had done, and I realized I could really help others using NLP.

By Gemma Bailey

www.gemmabailey.co.uk

If you get it I’d love to know so whiz and email over to gemm@peoplebuilding.co.uk, pop you comment below (if you’re listening on the website) or add your two-pennies worth on my facebook – hypnogem if you need to look me up.

Enjoy!

Andy Smith is an NLP trainer and Emotional Intelligence consultant, and he’s written a great resource for trainers and people wanting to practice their NLP skills – ‘The Trainer’s Book of NLP Exercises’, 411 pages of step-by-step exercise instructions, handouts and FAQs for 128 exercises.

http://tinyurl.com/AndySmith

I don’t know how long this offer will be there, so grab it while you can!

Also, as a special offer that’s exclusive to my subscribers, when you’ve downloaded your chapter you can get 10% off Andy’s other knowledge products, including hypnotic audios like ‘Achieve Your Goals’ and ‘Cold Calling Motivation’, and the ’55 Ways To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence’ tips booklet.

http://tinyurl.com/AndySmith

Important: the discount offer is only valid until the end of Saturday 26th February, so secure your saving now at

Andy’s been active in the NLP field since 1995, is a former hypnotherapist and ran the Richmond and Manchester NLP Groups for several years each. He’s picked up a lot of knowledge along the way, and wants to share it with you!

http://tinyurl.com/AndySmith